Important questions to ask yourself when feeling shitty for not good reason;
- am I in comfy clothes?
- could I be wearing something comfier?
- am I too warm?
- am I too cold?
- have I eaten in a while?
- have I had water in a while?
- is it too quiet? Is there something I could be listening to?
- is it too noisy? can I turn something off?
- am I lonely? why not hop on tumblr?
- do I need some time alone? can I play a game I like?
Tag: self
Imagine how much historical knowledge wasn’t written down because our ancestors thought: “What idiot isn’t going to know this?”
So ancient Egypt’s best friend basically was called Punt. They traded all kinds of fun stuff with them; ebony, incense, gold, silver, myrrh, leopard skins, baboons for pets… and the Egyptians wrote a lot about the land, the people living there, what their houses looked like, records of trading expeditions to there (like, robust, oceangoing ships with thousands of men); they wrote down everything imaginable about this place… except for where it actually was.
We still to this day have no geographic fix on this ancient empire’s whereabouts, because what idiot wouldn’t know, right?
Until the 1850s British condiment sets came with bottles for oil and vinegar, and three spice containers for salt, pepper and…nobody knows. Potentially mustard, but it’s just a guess because no one ever wrote it down.
And this is why historians love, really love, those incredibly dull people who write in their diary every day about what they wore and what they had for dinner and how many miles away their friend Mr So-And-So’s house is in that one village. Because they are the only ones who *do* write down what was in the third spice jar, how many miles away this now-nonexistent village was and so on. Seriously, the diaries of really dull people are HISTORICAL TREASURES OF OTHERWISE LOST MINUTIAE.
Somewhere out there there is almost certainly a diary that would expose the true contents of that third spice jar because of the one time it was low and this person had to have a quiet word with the butler or something and it was the most interesting thing that happened all week so they wrote it down. And I hope that diary is found someday because now I really want to know.
That’s weirdly heart warming. Like, even if you are incredibly dull and live a normal boring life, you still might be the most interesting person to some historian some day
Friendly reminder that “doing your best” does not mean pushing yourself to the limits of endurance, but only doing the best you can without hurting yourself.
Further, even friendlier reminder that it’s completely fine if that means you don’t do as much as someone else.
They’re not you, and your contribution is just as valid as theirs.
thank you
I am not a waste.
Even if my potential doesn’t fall in line with what society wants. Even if I can’t see the good I do in this world. Even if I don’t feel like I contribute anything.
I am not a waste.
There’s this weird sensation you get (or at least I got) when you’re kind of figuring out your place in the world that whatever thing you are bad at is going to be the absolute most important thing you need to succeed. Like, I don’t even remember the train of thought it took me to get there but I remember in high school, despite getting top grades I had myself completely convinced that because I was bad at phys ed I wasn’t gonna get anywhere in life, as though my lackluster dodgeball skills were shooting my chances at a future career in the foot.
When I was at Sheridan I felt like they were always pushing illustrative painting skills and lifedrawing, and because I had no patience or aptitude for painterly rendering and didn’t have a good grasp of that buttery smooth Sheridan Life Drawing Style™ I would never get hired anywhere. I was sincerely convinced by some combination of my own neuroses and a handful of profs who taught as though their chosen path to success was The Only Way To Find Work that being a decent sequential artist who could write reasonably funny jokes and make people laugh was a worthless industry skill next to stellar painting and life drawing.
But then I get out there and find out the guy who paints really well worries that all the jobs are going to sequential artists, the guy who animates really well worries they aren’t a contender for high profile jobs if they can’t prove their writing skills, the one who has those top tier life drawing worries that skill doesn’t obviously translate into any part of the production pipeline. Everyone is convincing themselves that the set of skills that come the most naturally to them are easy for everyone else to get a handle on as well, and focus on their failings and insecurities while disregarding the honest, sincere assets they bring to the table.
It’s like a barbarian getting down on themselves for not being able to cast healing magic. Bro, you’re a barbarian, the clerics can’t hit things really hard a bunch of times as good as you can, their Cure Light Wounds spells don’t diminish your value to the group.
I guess I’m just saying, to all the kids graduating college and going out to look for jobs now, it’s scary but you have skills that are unique to you and the best thing you can do for yourself is embrace what makes you an asset and avoid getting too hung up and the parts of your stat tree that you didn’t fill out, no one gets enough points to fill the whole thing, that’s why it takes a team to do a job.
This is super true in every field, FYI.
maybe that’s the thing about recovery…
maybe it doesn’t mean that your bad days will be any better – hell maybe they will be worse.
maybe it means that you learn to recognise the signs and prepare yourself.
maybe it means you pick yourself back up faster each time.
maybe it means you don’t beat yourself up as much and learn from each struggle.
maybe it means on bad days, sometimes you can still manage to go through the motions you need to.
maybe moving forwards doesn’t need to be so all or nothing.
here’s the deal with self care, for me:
pleasure, in the fun late-capitalism hellhole of present-day america, is treated like a luxury. it’s expensive. it’s frivolous. it’s guilty. if we want to eat ice cream out of the carton and be socially acceptable at the same time, we’d better have earned that ice cream. maybe by like running a marathon or getting dumped by an asshole. if we’re going to duck into the corner store and buy fresh flowers, it’s because we’ve had a hard week, not because flowers are nice. we can take a day off work, but only if we’re sick. we have to suffer before we’re allowed extra kindness.
in this equation pleasure is optional (irresponsible, even), except when it’s a balm for suffering.
however! we need pleasure to live. a life without nice feelings in it is like a diet with no vitamins in it. it’ll make you sick and eventually it’ll kill you. we know this because people with depression stop feeling pleasure, and they often kill themselves. left untreated, depression is a fatal disease.
pleasure is not optional. pleasure is not a luxury. without it, we die. that is literally the opposite of a luxury.
because pleasure is treated like a luxury, and priced accordingly, it is fucking hard to get. it’s hard to take time to relax and see loved ones when corporations aren’t required to offer paid vacation. it’s hard to buy that special face scrub or art print or pretty yarn when it costs $35 and student loans are breathing down your neck. so pleasure gets saved up for when things are really bad. pleasure gets budgeted. pleasure, once again, becomes something we have to earn by abstaining and hurting and gritting our teeth.
do this to people long enough and pleasure becomes potently associated with guilt. this thing we need desperately to stay alive is suddenly something we can’t seek out without looking over our shoulder and wondering if we’re allowed to have it.
that’s why it’s so important that we talk about self care, and tell ourselves and each other that it is okay to do things that feel good. it is necessary to do things that feel good. we have to uncouple suffering and pleasure, because the idea that we have to earn feeling good by first feeling bad is monstrous and wrong.
take care of yourselves, darlings. don’t feel bad about it.
note to all parents:
saying to your kid “i’m a terrible parent” isn’t some get out of jail free card
it doesn’t excuse your shitty behaviour
you shouldn’t use that to get sympathy points or guilt trip the kid you’re failing at parenting
saying to your kid “i’m a terrible parent” doesn’t mean shit if you use it as a way to dismiss any responsibility towards how you behave towards your child
i don’t think people understand that people can ‘love’ you and not actually love you
like my grandmother ‘loved’ me, but she also was always trying to change me. she tried to take me away from my (catholic bisexual) mother. she made me wear dresses when i was there. she always tried to get me to go to church and was always asking me if i was dating a boy yet
i spent years feeling guilty that i wasn’t what she wanted me to be until my mom told me one day “she never bothered to know the real you”
and it’s true. any time i tried to show her something about myself, even cook for her, it would be dismissed, and a replacement would be offered. even northern food was somehow a sin.
she loved me what she thought i should be, she never loved me.
bc people who love you, they love you for all the stuff that makes you you. they never consider that it makes you inconvenient.
This is an incredibly important thing for people who have positive relationships with their families to remember. Very very often we’ve had to go through the constant confusion of someone saying “I love you” who neglect, ignore, and even outright abuse us. When someone says they don’t get along with family members or don’t feel comfortable around them…listen. Understand that not everyone “cares deep down” and sometimes our family members genuinely don’t, or if they do cannot express that in healthy ways. Sometimes we need to let them go. If that happens? Let us. Don’t reinforce the lie.
https://vine.co/v/ewZLhBl2UPU/embed/simple//platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js
this vine made me 100% more emotionally stable
[captions]
“I can predict the future! … And you’re going to be OK.”
in case you need this today