tentacleauxiliatricks:

tentacleauxiliatricks:

Karkat doesn’t understand this weird human food which is like carrots made even more disgusting because there’s like mayonnaise in there and what the fuck Dave humans are weird. Dave doesn’t really care but now it’s a Point. He has coleslaw sandwiches for lunch. Dinner is alphabet soup with a side of coleslaw. He switches Jane’s icing for coleslaw so they eat coleslaw cakes. He uses it as milk in his cereal. Every morning he stares Karkat straight in the eye and smirks as he spreads coleslaw on his toast, licking his lips and savouring every last mouthful. Karkat grinds his teeth so loudly Kanaya’s Mom Mode is mysteriously activated three houses down. He goes through seventeen petrichor scented candles a week to get rid of the stress. Dave can’t stop won’t stop and fills the fridge with coleslaw. Karkat comes down one morning and finds every item of food in the house replaced with it. He screams. Seismic shifts are felt universes away. Empires rise and fall. Dave laughs and wipes away a single coleslaw tear, laughing maniacally to himself as he looks up recipes for coleslaw chips. Karkat takes one look at his boyfriend’s internet history and moves out. They find Dave weeks later, curled up in his bedroom, watching reruns of the Thresh Prince of Belair and eating coleslaw out of an ice-cream tub.

This got two notes and I am really glad someone is finally seeing my genius because I still think this is the best thing I’ve ever written