Hey folks, it’s August now, which means my birthday’s in about 19 days. I normally hate doing ANYTHING for my birthday, but this year I’d like one thing in particular, and that’s to be able to get out of an unhealthy and dangerously toxic living situation with my mother. Please bear with me because I… Hate making posts like this. I hate having to make them. But this is going to be my last chance to get out of here while I can still have a hope in hell on my future.
When I was entering 11th grade, my mother pulled me out of school and made me move back across the country to live with her again. This was for a lot of reasons. She had been diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma, and wasn’t sure if she’d live through it. She had learned that I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and suddenly wanted me “close to home” where she could keep an eye on me. I was still a minor. I was living in student housing. I had no choice, because if I didn’t go back, she would cut off everything and I would have been on the streets.
That was in 2014.
She promised me she would re-enroll me somewhere local so I could finish highschool, get my diploma and go.
She didn’t.
She did go bankrupt, however. And drag both me and my father, whom she had divorced YEARS prior to this, into her downwards financial tailspin. My dad was lucky to get out when we moved- She didn’t want him with her when she moved into her boyfriend’s basement with me, and he didn’t have the stability, space or resources to send me off to school with him. She left him in an empty house. She even took the stove. The fridge. He had a dog with him for christ’s sake, and she knew he wouldn’t be leaving for another three days.
She is emotionally and at times physically abusive with me. I had bruises on my neck for a week where I was choked out when she lost her temper in an argument. I thought I was going to fucking die, but I was too afraid to call the cops. She told me that they’d never believe me, that they’d always listen to the mother, that even if I did win I’d just lose anyways because I’d be homeless without her.
She regularly tells me that I am not a man, that I am not trans- I’m just confused. It’s just me being manic, or whatever. Not like she will acknowledge my bipolar issues at any time other than to dismiss me. She will tell me that I can tell her anything, that I can trust her and she’ll always support me. And it hurts. It really fucking hurts, because that’s all I want to do, but I know she’ll just store those vulnerabilities like weapons to be used against me later. My dysphoria is just psychosomatic, I should toughen up and deal with it. I’m not having a depressive episode, I’m just being lazy. I have aspbergers when she wants to brag about it, for whatever fucking reason, but when it negatively impacts anything, I just need to grow up.
And here’s the hardest part for me to ask, to get to, but… God do I ever need help. I’m never going to get out on my own because of this. I already have friends waiting to take me in once I have the money to renew my passport and shell them the cash for gas to drive all the way up here. I already have citizenship both in Canada and the USA, so that’s hardly an issue.
I have a ko-fi link on my blog as well as on my art-blog, @mavosathra. I have a paypal at Jennalele@hotmail.com. I will do commissions, I will write for you, if that’s what you want. But all I want for my birthday is to get out of here. I want to be free and safe.
Holy shit you guys, I woke up and looked at my notifications, and I honest to god cried a little.
Thank you all so, so very much. I never expected to see so much progress in under a day. I nearly have enough to renew my passport, and after that? It’s just a matter of gas money. Thank you so much to everyone that helped me spread the word so far, and thank you to everyone that’s donated, no matter how big or small. We’re not done, but the end is so much closer in sight than I thought it would be.
queerhomestuck 