When people say (or imply) that I’m lazy, over-exaggerating, faking it, etc.. they don’t get that sometimes I wish I was any of those things.
If I were just lazy, I could lay around at home all day and be content. But instead, I’m restless. I have so many ideas that never see reality. I have so many goals and interests that I’ll never get to pursue. I can’t have a job. I feel like a failure, and not because I can’t do what other people want me to, but because I can’t even do what I want to.
If I was over-exaggerating or faking it, I could still choose to do things. I want to go out and experience things, to travel, to make memories with friends.. or even just to be able to run errands, for fucks sake. But most days, I don’t have that choice. Most days, I spend hours wishing I did.
People don’t understand the amount of sheer frustration that comes with being disabled & mentally ill. And all of that already exists without anyone piling extra shame and ableism on top of it.
I wish I was just lazy, but I’m not. I’m disabled, and it sucks.
It was inevitable that the neural network, having named all kinds of internet datasets, should turn its talents to naming cats.
And what an occasion! The AFK Cat Rescue of Huntsville, Alabama contacted me because they had an exceptionally adorable bunch of kittens (plus one magnificent Persian) who need names and homes. June is kitten season here in the USA, so shelters are inundated with new kittens right now, and AFK takes the very high-risk cases, kittens who are too small to survive in regular shelters, or who are sick or injured, or have neurological disorders.
To be sure, the AFK Cat Rescue’s kitten-naming game is strong. They’ve got a black and orange kitten pair named Shere Khan and Bagheera, and they have another pair of cats named Grindylow and Pooka. With their full list of the several hundred cat names they’ve used over the years, plus the list of several thousand cats registered in Toronto (thanks to Tumblr user @maverick-ornithography), I had comfortably enough to train a neural network with.
I fired up my trusty karpathy-char-rnn neural network framework, and sat down to watch it learn.
“Very good,” I said. “Coming right along. Nice work on Aarla, maybe not try so hard on Teaw Mos Tilypsronvynkor.” I said all this to myself, of course, because the neural network operates entirely without my input once training starts. I can shout “No, you fool!” at it all day if I like and it ignores me perfectly.
Soon, however, I began to notice that quite a few of these cats had last names, and sounded actually rather grand.
Jarlag Argon Mankith Cuttim Aeggerooy Jozga Andend of Karlans Irtenda of Tiyra Sittrobt Torg? Arten Sword Lord Magian Welu-the Manwys Parihen the Thawk Haldir of the Saleword Barga Mr. Yetheract Belfine Bracken Belis Goodbrook Bentone Ballywood Grim Wyyne Gorihand Molgo
I had, as it turned out, accidentally trained the neural network on another dataset, a list of character names from Tolkien, George R. R. Martin, C. S. Lewis, Robert E Howard, and Terry Pratchett (sent in by reader Thomas Pugh).
AFK Cat Rescue, however, decided to roll with it. First neural network kitten: Parihen the Thawk!
Parihen the Thawk: This guy was surrendered to an animal shelter after he hitched a ride in the engine of a car. He had a dislocated leg but it’s healing well with rest. He’s shy, tiny and misses his bff who is in the hospital right now for her much worse injuries. He’s got a lot of energy and loves to show off his belly.
I finally got the neural network training on the proper dataset, but I was worried when, by the time I went to bed it was producing literally the following names over and over:
Hurter Hurler Hunty Hurty Hunter Hurker
Some who are not so fond of cats may argue that these are in fact the best cat names. Fortunately for the AFK Cat Rescue, the names did eventually become more suitable. I present to you:
Jexley Pickle – This little girl is a hoot and a half. She’s full of energy, bounce and comedy. She loves to nurse on ear lobes and finger tips. She’s about 6 weeks old and was found after being chased up a tree by a dog.
Mag Jeggles – When you touch him he rattles from head to tail with purrs. He’s so sweet. He was simply too young to be made available for adoption, and was rescued from a shelter that could not care for him.
Snox Boops – He was in a room with a lot of kittens that were too small to place up for adoption and even much smaller than the others in the room. When you pick him up he capsizes in your hands and starts purring. He’s got a huge voice and a huge demand for love and attention.
Mumcake – She was brought into a shelter as a stray, but she was too young for adoption and if she wasn’t pulled by rescue she would have been subject for euthanasia. She’s adorable, loving, outgoing and shoots sunshine right out of her butt. (Sunshine ejection not shown; you have AFK’s word for it.)
Tilly Mapper – This little girl also took a ride in a car engine and her rear leg was nearly completely severed as a result. She’s been stitched up but she’s had an infection set in. She is only around 8 weeks old and she’s in very poor body condition from having tried to make it on the streets. We hospitalized her yesterday and she’s doing much better. We hope to have her back to foster home by Friday.
Big Wiggy Bool – He is a doll-faced persian that was surrendered to a kill shelter when his family could not take him on their cross country move. He’s five years old and has obviously been doted on. He’s super affectionate, very easy going and a talker! He’s been recently groomed and trimmed up by Robyn Warner with Goin to the Dogs and Cats Mobile Grooming Service. And he loves belly rubs. Rubbing that fluffy, soft belly is an experience so wonderful it can only be discussed in breathless whispers.
Photos of the above cats by volunteer Amy Harrell.
And, since it IS kitten season, the neural network is happy to provide a list of cat names (some more usable than others), for use in naming cats, computer servers, firstborn, etc.
Jeckle Elbent Jenderina Roober Snorp Snox Boops Cylon Sookabear Frere Sonney Mrow Jexley Pickle Marper Foppin Toby Booch Snowpie Big Wiggy Bool Macha Boo Mr Whinkles Timble Macfallon Machaka Licky Cat Mr Bincheh Macnaw Maxy Fay Tim Hike Mr Gruffles Grips Liony Oli Lingo Lingley Conkie Lasley Goo Mr Took Linky Marvish Mag Jeggles Corko Maggin Mcguntton Mara Tatters Mr Tiggie Mr. Skuffles Mr. Hinkles Mush Jam Tilly-Mapper Mr. Jubble Mumcake Muppin Mr O
i had a really fucking weird dream where homestuck was a musical. like. a Broadway musical. and i went to see it and all i really remember is that 1) the opening number was called “everybody dies” and 2) bro strider was inexplicably played by shia labeouf, who did an interpretive dance scene with a smuppet that lasted roughly seven minutes. it was uncomfortable for everyone involved
what do you mean “inexplicably” that’s exactly how it would go down
I’m pretty sure snoop dogg was aimless renegade? honestly it was an experience
like the stage was essentially four room in the beginning and every time John would get a notification on pesterChum the particular room of whoever was messaging him would light up and you could see Jade Dave or Rose. when the trolls did their thing (it was early on), you could just hear the disembodied yelling of Karkat. Rose had a dramatic monologue that ended with mom physically pulling her away from her empty suicide threat. bec was just some guy in a fursuit. shia laBro passionately ripped off his shirt before kicking dave’s ass. lil cal was played by Ellen Degeneres(?)
do you have a medium to talk to because the more you talk about this dream the more it sounds like you’re spirit channeling andrew hussie and i’m concerned
don’t get me started about the medium bro
also when the trolls were introduced the lusii were these freakish jim henson monstrosities but honestly the best part was the felt. like. the actual composition of music was beautiful, and the choreography for the dance numbers was sublime.
Dave also kept trying to sing but was continually interrupted by Bro Shia, terezi’s echoing ululations, and his own self doubt. once he finally had his moment his voice soared through the theater, only to come to an abrupt end as he was drowned in hot puppet ass.
now that I think about it, dadbert was definitely nic cage, which was confusing as fuck because John kept talking about how Greatly He Was Caged By Nic while his father stood by. it was uncomfortable
idk man, it’s been like a reoccurring lucid nightmare for the past week, but the sb&hj sequences were performed by acrobats above the actual stage, who looked dangerously inebriated and probably needed immediate hospitalization (they were also narrated by dave and a bunch of dissonant recordings of the cast? what the fuck man. what a visionary)
i honestly don’t know what to focus on here because i’m wheezing and snorting right now but
Dave also kept trying to sing but was continually interrupted by Bro Shia, terezi’s echoing ululations, and his own self doubt.
was dave … was dave’s self doubt an actual part in the play
shIT I thought I answered earlier but apparently not. yes, daves self conscious is just a shitty cardboard cutout of zac efron wearing sunglasses who offers sage advice like “no one loves you”. he’s voiced by zac efron.
yknow I forgot to note this but vriska has a lot of really aggressive musical numbers that make everyone visibly uncomfortable, mainly bc they’re unprovoked and don’t. make sense. like its canon but only to an extent.
also I’m p sure that mom and dad /almost/ share a heartfelt duet–like there’s soft piano music and they look into each other’s eyes–but then Jack noir, fursuit edition, kills them. on that note, when rose goes grimdark it sounds like the Dresden dolls met born this way era lady gaga and then murdered each other while a thirteen year old descends from the rafters, hissing like a motherfucking snake on a plane
btw “sICK FIRES” is a rap off with cello featuring the talents of yo yo ma himself
“#i’m tired” “#why do you keep reblogging this”
because it’s amazing
that’s objective but I’m just happy that people are enjoying this. like the tags are so nice and it feels pretty rad to know people are laughing at my hideous reoccurring nightmare musical extravaganza
FYI there is a track called “flight of the bifurcated asshole/rest in peixes” and y’all know EXACTLY what it’s about
A few years ago I was at a museum that had some old grimoires and alchemy books on display and translations to the pages posted by them. My favorite grimoire page was a spell for rain where the person would go outside with a bucket of water and pour it onto the ground, then proceed to pretty much yell at the clouds about ‘see its not hard!’. To date that is my favorite rain spell I have ever seen.
i hope youre all lying and hyping your cv/resume’s up
i have never gotten an interview and not been offered a job position after it
I mean lets be honest if everyone else is gassing theirs up like no tomorrow and you’re being as honest as you can who th are the recruitment team going to be more interested in
There’s people working in my banks head office with me WITH MUCH MORE EXPERIENCE than me BUT ARE GETTING PAID LESS
we’re doing the exact same job role
the point I’m trying to make here is if you’ve handled finances for a company you’re now what i would call a treasurer my g, if you’ve done admin work you are now a secretary (or as I’ve put Management secretary)
you help some kid with his homework? you’re a private tutor.
keep your bullets points for the job role as concise and important sounding as possible AND ALWAYS EMPHASIS THAT YOURE A TEAM PLAYER IF YOURE GOING TO WORK IN A TEAM.
go into that interview room and get your story straight the night before and remember that interviews are two way conversatons yes they might be grilling you but at the end of it make sure to grill them BACK. do you have any hesitations about my qualifications? my suitability for the job? any feedback on my cv? how long have you been working at this company? do you like it here? whats the work environment like?
I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS GET THE SAME FEEDBACK WHEN THEY GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH ME
“ive never been asked those questions before” / “you were one of the strongest candidates”
throughout the interview emphasise that youre about progression, that you want more responsibilities than you did at your previous job, tell them the hours here are more suitable for me than my last ones were, AND WHEN IT COMES TO SALARY NEGOTIATION its all about continuity. tell them again that it boils down to progression. make up a reasonable figure for how much you were paid in your last role (do your research for how much the industry youre applying to or the role youre applying for pays, base it on that) tell them you expect more than you were previously paid. do not give them a figure. progression is your primary focus, tell them if youre progressing youre happy. leave it at that.
LIE THROUGH YOUR TEETH AND GET THAT MONEY
I had an interview yesterday, at the place I’ve been temping, where I busted out the “is there anything about my skills or background that makes you concerned about my fit for this job” question for the first time.
Neither of my supervisors had never gotten it before either. They had to think for a while, and then it turned into them telling me how great I am and what they love about me.
This stuff is real. I would also say: none of it is lying. This is taking experience that you normally downplay and write off, and putting it in accurate words they’ll understand.
It’s hacking the capitalist system. Why ISN’T helping a kid with homework “tutoring”, when the only thing missing is a paycheck?
It’s especially important for anyone who isn’t a cis white man, because many of us are so thoroughly trained to feel like we are not good enough.
Privilege tells people they can fake it, and that they’re good enough just as people and can learn the skills on the job. Abuse and oppression tell people they aren’t good enough as people and that even their high skills are probably below average, and that unless they had the specific job title or were using certain skills officially, nobody will think it counts.
The goal is to at least fake the confidence of a privileged person, to give the employer a chance at seeing the skills that you’ve been trained to undervalue.
I would also say to answer any query of “Have you done [X small task] before?” with “I have, but it’s been a while.” Or, “I have, but it was a slightly different program.”
100% THEY WILL GLADLY WALK YOU THROUGH EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW, and I stress ‘gladly’ because claiming prior knowledge boosts their confidence in your abilities and any slips you make are already covered by your caveat.
blackstoic may have deactivated their account but this advice is fucking gold and all y’all looking for jobs or who think you might one day need to look for a new job PRINT THIS SHIT OUT AND STAPLE IT TO THE WALL.
queerhomestuck 