back in 2012, almost SIX YEARS ago now, i joined up with oxboxers POKEMONATHON challenge, a project that asked all the artists involved to draw all of the first gen pokemon ( and at the time i thought id be able to pump em out in the first year, no problem )
what actually happened is through constant starting and stopping it ended up becoming an accidental diary of my progression with digital art – since i started it up back when i was still getting used to working with a drawing tablet, the differences between the very first one i did around five years ago
and the very LAST
ARE PRETTY BIG, and even though i was certain i was never gonna finish it most of the time ( i didnt do ANYTHING for 2014 ahahah ) im really glad i kept up with it
the full versions of all of em are HERE ( although heads up i was a lil more obnoxious five years ago for Sure ) and uhhhhhhhhh thanks for reading
Sometimes dissociating is soft, like hovering weightless above the ground. Everything is peaceful, I’m just kind of– there. I can no longer feel my feet, joints, headache and hunger I was just complaining about 5 mins ago, and even if I could, it wouldn’t matter. My anxiety and stress melts and trickles a mile away. There is a soft glow around everything I happen to see and feel.
Other times, dissociating is like trying to walk through waist high mud and a thick fog. I try so hard to concentrate and focus but it doesn’t seem to get me anywhere. Everything is setting off alarms in my mind. I can’t articulate what I’m feeling or thinking, it’s all just a swarm of gray somethingness with tints of anxious yellow. I’m trapped somewhere in my skull or on the moon and I can’t get close enough to make sense of anything.
my hot take as someone who has experienced the lowest of lows in terms of severe depression and anxiety and executive dysfunction: the whole “not everyone is neurotypical karen” mindset is legitimately damaging and destructive and ultimately will make you feel worse and more isolated
eating well and exercising and etc absolutely helps with mental illness. obviously it’s irritating to hear that when those things feel like impossible tasks, i get that, and i’ve been there. but forcing yourself to eat better, to walk more, to get up out of bed and shower even when you don’t want to, those things help. they clear your head. they make you feel better. they absolutely do. getting there is hard, but once you do it, it does help
rejecting any kind of help, even the most benign suggestion, from someone who is trying their best to think positively for you and shoulder the emotional burden with you, is going to make you feel worse. it’s going to make you feel that much more cut off and lonely and frustrated. i have isolated myself and ruined friendships with people because i chose to close myself off from people who were just trying to help and i convinced myself that they didn’t understand me and no one would ever understand me. what did that get me in the end? genuinely nothing. it made me feel even more alone.
in 2018 i encourage people who suffer like i have to see where people are coming from with cheesy self-care advice. they’re coming from the heart. and sometimes, doing a face mask or taking a hot bath or eating a nutritious meal or getting up to watch the sunrise or even just one yoga class can make you feel that much closer to the person you want to be. a lot of recovery from mental illness is “fake it till you make it” type shit. so don’t reject even the corniest advice because you are convinced it won’t help you. sometimes it really does. and you shouldn’t keep denying yourself even the smallest of victories because you feel like it’s easier to wallow in how bad you feel. it is so difficult to do good things for yourself and your body, but it is so rewarding
when you grow up rich you’re kind of by default disconnected from reality. you learn that you can just… make things happen. an expensive education? top-quality healthcare? a fancy seat on the plane? you just wave your credit card in the right direction AND IT HAPPENS. you get your way, every time, immediately, and to your exact specifications. you’re also immune to failure by default because if you fuck something up you can afford to start over, so even if you reach your 70s with a trail of financial disasters behind you, you’re still rich, so they can’t have been that bad. you’re blind to your own incompetence. and you’re inevitably going to end up with very few, if any, genuine friends, especially if you’re inherently a bit of an asshole. instead you’ll be surrounded by people pursuing their own agendas, who will tell you literally anything you want to hear: that you’re a genius, that everyone loves you, that you can successfully accomplish anything you set your mind to. which you totally can, of course, but because of your money, not your personal merit.
trump is not a pathological narcissist with the under-developed mind of a child and a half dozen other mental disorders experts have not yet reached a consensus about. he’s too used to being obscenely rich and likely never had a problem in his life he knew he couldn’t solve by throwing enough money at it. and right now he’s angry that he can’t use that to get his own way anymore.
like, there’s enough stigma around mental illness without talking about it as if it’s the reason a rich entitled fuckhead is going to jump-start the nuclear apocalypse.
He also believes that “master race” bullshit. He thinks rich white people are genetically superior. This is a guy who has literally said he thinks success is genetic. Let’s be really explicit about this, most upperclass white people in the US do believe that bullshit that says they are genetically as well as morally superior to poor people and people of color. Old school eugenics is still the norm among the wealthy in the US. Trump isn’t pushing eugenics by accident, he’s pushing eugenics because it’s what him and his buddies firmly believe.
And using ableism as the basis for attacking him isn’t attacking his views and the ideas they rely on, it’s supporting them.
queerhomestuck 