For day 1 of vrisktereziweek, please consider me and @prospitian-monarch‘s au where
Terezi and Vriska are massively famous competing rock stars who don’t actually
hate each other at all anymore and just find their media rivalry completely
hilarious.
The bitterness actually was real for a while, after they
broke up and Vriska ditched their underground indie duo to make it big as a
solo star and Terezi got into the business too, and for about a year they
genuinely meant it when they wrote thinly veiled mean songs about each other
and subtly (or unsubtly) badmouthed each other on talk shows and deliberately
booked venues across the street from each other to try and drown each other’s
music. But then the press started speculating about backstabbing and catfights
and which boys they were fighting over, and soon Terezi was sending Vriska
links to the worst articles and their friendship was back on track again, and
within a few months they were kissing backstage and wearing outrageous disguises
to go on dates together. They kept the public rivalry, though, because it was
too much fun to watch music writers on clickbait sites pick through every
little detail in their lyrics, and the whole theme was doing wonders for both
of their brands, and they hated to let down their fans! And so it continued, and
they continued having a blast.
Their fans can’t tell what the hell is up with them, but
both of their official fansites have forums just for theorizing about what the fuck
happened between them back in their Scourge Sisters days. People pore through
their lyrics looking for clues and post comments on lyric sites speculating on
the meaning of the songs. Both Terezi and Vriska have whole fleets of interns
who they hire solely to write scathing replies to people who make clueless
heterosexual comments on their youtube videos, or to post wild rumours about
the massive property damage caused last time the two had met in public.
Every time they go on an “incognito date” Terezi insists on
wearing shitty red plastic heart-shaped sunglasses and a giant red hat instead
of her trademark, ostensibly to hide her face but mostly because she loves how
horrified it makes everyone around them look. Vriska tries to look slightly
less like a celebrity by wearing baggy jackets and hoodies, but inevitably, at
least once a week, they’re recognized and asked for their autographs, and they
get a chance to showcase their ridiculous lying skills. Terezi’s favorite alibi
is to pretend to be a hapless law student who has no idea what they’re talking
about and wouldn’t dream of giving them her signature. Vriska, every single
time, signs as Spinneret Mindfang and claims to be a very devoted pirate
cosplayer.
At one point, they both released dramatic press statements
just a few weeks apart announcing that they were writing memoirs that would
contain all the juicy details of their rivalry. Then they both signed contracts
with Rose Lalonde, accomplished novelist, and gave her creative license to
ghostwrite whatever she wanted based only on what she knew about them
personally and her wildest Freudian speculations as to their psyches and
motivations. Both books were bestsellers, despite being wildly conflicting and filled
to the brim with purple prose.
Terezi had her publisher contact Vriska’s publisher to ask
if they could release the books side by side as some sort of omnibous, just so
that Vriska ignite some more controversy with an incendiary response. They
cuddled up in Terezi’s bed with their laptops and Vriska fired off eight angry
tweets about how she’d rather die than have her life story published alongside
Terezi’s. Terezi responded saying that Vriska was right to fear being compared
side by side, considering how atrociously boring and tasteless Vriska’s book
would look in comparison, and then they spooned while scrolling through the
resulting twitter war on Terezi’s phone. What can they say? Some people just
want to watch the world burn, and the reunited Scourge Sisters are two of them.
ugh the Skype chats got lost because SKYPE IS DUMB but anyways i think we’d staged like, the flarp debacle but it was vriska ripping off one of aradia and tavros’ songs or something and terezi’s like “i wish to succeed… but at what cost.” there was also this like, legal contract terezi drafted about how no one who signed with her could do anything to also sign with vriska!!! and vriska used like a blatantly copied version of the exact same contract but with all of terezi’s name scribbled away and replaced with her own. #pick a side
(except for kanaya who’s probably like an amazing costume designer. she gets a pass probably because she’s amazing and also their annoyed friend.)
THERE WAS ALSO THIS WHOLE CODA that had nothing to do with them being rock stars and was mostly dumb gay fluff but hey who can say no to dumb gay fluff??? not me
ok so, rose and kanaya are together and married and have a cute tastefully decorated flat because they are Pro Adults. also they have an adopted child whose probably roxy
when roxy was a baby terezi and vriska came over to rose and kana’s house for dinner and something and they thought roxy was SUPER CUTE and they kept cooing over her until they just … essentially stole her
like they just shoved her into terezi’s silly and gigantic trenchcoat (its a disguise! she has to maintain her anonymity as an official famous person!) and climb out the window and go home
they just will NOT give this baby back. they aren’t very good at taking care of her either and vriska panics a lot because ROXY IS CRYING and she CANT DEAL
finally after some terse texts exchanged with rose they work out a deal. by “deal” i mean basically “a hostage exchange”
this is the story of how terezi (and by extension vriska) became officially the person who’d gain custody of roxy if rose and kana tragically died
rose drew the line at making it officially vriska. dave is so salty even so! HOW COULD YOU, ROSE. VRISKA GETS CUSTODY OF ROXY BEFORE ME, YOUR OWN SWEET AND RESPONSIBLE BROTHER. “responsible?” rose says. “more than vriska fucking serket,” says dave.
probably at least once when she’s a teen roxy runs away from home to live with her cool aunts terezi and vriska.
Aradia | Who wins; Aradia Aradia fights with a whip. Do you know why? There is no practical application for a whip in combat. She doesn’t need it. Instead she will punch you, to death. With her fists. And a mountain. Don’t fight Aradia.
Tavros | Who wins: Doesn’t matter Why the fuck would you fight Tavros? Why the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why the fuck would you want to fight Tavros? Shame on you. Don’t fight Tavros.
Sollux | Who wins: You Sure he has psiionic powers that can crush buildings, propel meteors through space, and fire some kind of x-men level bullshit from his fucking eyes. Counterpoint? He’s a nerd. You have to win. Find a way. Fight Sollux.
Nepeta | Who wins: Nepeta She has eaten larger, uglier things than you for breakfast on a bad day, I guarantee it. Do not fight Nepeta.
Karkat | Who wins: You There is no way you lose to Karkat. If for some reason he starts getting the upper hand, distract him by insulting 50 first dates. Tell him you thought I Am Legend was a bit of a let down compared to the original short story. Attack him with improvised weapons while he cries about will smith’s dog. Fight Karkat.
Kanaya | Who wins: KANAYA DO NOT FIGHT KANAYA. IN BETWEEN BEING A PART-TIME LUMBERJACK, SHE PUNCHES PEOPLE OFF OF BUILDINGS. HER WEAPON OF CHOICE IS A FUCKING CHAINSAW. HER ARMS ARE PROBABLY BUILT LIKE STEEL SUSPENSION CABLES. SHE IS A VAMPIRE. SHE HAS KILLED BEFORE. SHE WILL KILL AGAIN. DON’T FIGHT KANAYA.
Terezi | Who wins: ??? Whether or not you beat Terezi is a matter of politics, and ultimately irrelevant. She’s already accounted for the possibility of loss. She has a backup plan. She has a backup backup plan. Even when she loses, she wins. Ask yourself; are you an irredeemable, stupid douchebag? If so, fight Terezi. You deserve it. If not, fight her anyway so you have the honor of saying you did.
Vriska | Who wins: Nobody Don’t fight Vriska. Even if you win, you will have interacted with Vriska.
Equius | Who wins: You Equius is very unlikely to fight back, because he’s weird like that, but also probably a good guy that doesn’t want to pop your skull like a strawberry truffle. So, fight Equius. It’ll be funny.
Gamzee | Who wins: You, maybe But do not fight Gamzee.
Eridan | Who wins: I Don’t care Fight Eridan. Fight him right now. Do you want money? I’ll pay you money. I have $9 in my wallet right now and $200 in my bank account and I will give it all to you if you will fight Eridan. Fight Eridan. Please.
Feferi | Who wins: Feferi Feferi wins, and sends flowers to your recovery room. She teaches your niece how to play piano. She pays your hospital bill, and visits the kids in pediatrics down the hall. Your friends and family like her better than you. You like her better than you. Fight Feferi if you love feeling inadequate and hate having intact legbones. Otherwise, don’t fight Feferi.
Whenever
I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My
Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.
The
iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is
Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et
cetera).”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS
STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
“Then he put his thingie
into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”
“And Loopin was
masticating to it!”
As
great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some
of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.
Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found
some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a
pentagram into his forehead.
There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store
in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens
to have the exact same name.
Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian
and Harry is a Satanist.
Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim”
with his “tim machine.”
Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50
Cent.”
Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
Voldemort wears high heels.
Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara
is a Rambo fan?
The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a
female owl, for some reason.
Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At
least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly
a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong
black bread.”
Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes
this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.
Draco’s singing voice is described as “a
cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”
Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater
and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.
Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch
Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.
Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I
think that is a genuinely clever pun.
The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so
voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
This line: “Snap stated loafing
meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”
And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound.
Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”
“Azerbaijan”
“Hoes of Wax”
“Tom Bombodil”
“Cornelio Fuck”
“Professor Slutborn”
“Preacher McGongol”
“Lumpkin”
“TaEbory”
“The Bark Lord”
“Vadermort”
This is truly the classic of our generation. I want students to explicate this for AP tests.
I wish more people added image and video descriptions onto posts they made or reblogged.
I think the main reason nobody bothers to do it is because they think it’ll “look tacky,” but if you’re willing to overlook accommodations because they “look tacky,” then you should really have a conversation with yourself.
People don’t think I need image descriptions because I still reblog some and have some sight. But what they don’t know is how long it took me to figure out what that picture was. Ever wonder why I only ever like or reblog a small handful of your image or video posts when others you’ve posted seemed like something I would probably enjoy? Probably because the ones I DID like or reblog were either the only ones I could decipher relatively quickly, or because at that time, I was in a mood where I was willing to stare at a picture for ten minutes until I understood it.
Never assume I don’t still need it. It will always be helpful.
How much detail do you like in your descriptions? I know that there’s no ‘one size fits all’ answer, especially since it depends on context. But what’s your preference, generally?
Oh, thank you for asking! I’m really glad you’re interested.
So, generally, you just include anything that’s relevant, but leave out anything that’s not really. Like if you’re captioning a gif, it’s generally important to say who it is and what they are doing, but not really important to say like what’s in the background or what they are wearing unless it is connected to what they are doing in someway and makes the joke or something. Like, if part of what is funny about what a person is saying is something written on their shirt, then you would also include what is written on their shirt, but if it has nothing to do with the point of the image, you would leave it out.
Also, it’s important to note that images that are just text, like a screencap of a tweet or a quote, those are also important to caption. And for tweets and stuff, you’ll also want to include their name and handle if you can see it. Screen-readers only know that images are images and they have no idea what’s on them, so even if the image is of text, they can’t read that and will tell you only that it is an image.
Hope this is helpful! I’m always open to answer questions about other types of images, too, so don’t hesitate to ask.
Nodding, here.
The images that leave me scratching my head are the visually complex ones (such as landscapes, or artworks) that are posted for “Aesthetic reasons,” since I’m never sure which aspect of the image the O.P. thought was most important.
…Which is one reason why people should post their own descriptions, which I try to do. The animated .gifs with text captions that change faster than I can type really get on my nerves, though.
Mmmhm, yeah. Those are definitely harder. I think in my personal case, I find it helpful to just have a general but not too detailed description, like “portrait of a brightly-lit cityscape at night but with no people” or something. Mostly though, even if you just say “an open landscape on a bright sunny day,” the person may not know exactly how this particular picture is set up, they’ll still picture something similar in their head, and while they may not be interested in it or have the residual vision to get anything out of it, at least they know what it is. Now they know it’s not a quote or a selfie or a diagram or something and don’t need to wonder.
Right! Gotcha!
And if each person who replies comments on one particular detail that catches their eye, such as: ”I really like the way the streetlamps reflect in the rain puddles,” or whatever, than it can be like a potluck description (Each person bringing a small part to the whole)… and would probably more interesting to read than a thread of 89 “Wows!”
Please stop adding comments, jokes etc. to captions on YouTube videos.
I’m looking at you Markiplier and Jacksepticeye fans.
Please stop. It makes them less accessible.
Also, please contribute and review captions if you can.
Try to make the captions not too long over a long period of time or too short for people to be able to read and in the right place in the video.
Please don’t phonetically spell out words Jack says in his natural accent to show his accent. There’s no need to, and it makes it harder to read.
Please don’t jump back and forth between all caps and lower case a lot. You can use exclamation points to show excitement or do things like [yelling] [screaming] [louder].
Please don’t add keysmashes or excessively long lines of letters like “soooooooooooooooooo”, especially if it’s part of a longer caption.
Type what they say, not what they should have/meant to say. AKA don’t correct grammar, stutters, etc.
Be descriptive of non-words, sound effects (especially ones they react to or comment on) or what accent/tone they are speaking in. e.g. [Southern accent] and welcome to Turmoil! / [clap], [thump], [ticking], [ring ring], etc. [laughs]
But please don’t add descriptive captions for visual cues like what kind of face Mark or Jack are making or overly wordy and subjective descriptive captions e.g. [really happy cute little kid voice]
queerhomestuck 