I think there are a lot of people who have a mental concept of, and can be accommodating of, disability-related “I cannot do this” but don’t have a concept of, and are terrible at accommodating, disability-related “the cost of doing that is much higher for me than for most people”.
That’s probably for a lot of reasons. The cost of doing something is mostly invisible to other people, while not being able to do something at all is really visible. Disabled people often themselves don’t have the concept “doing this is much harder for me than for other people” and think “other people work harder than me” or “I suck” or “I hate doing that but don’t know why”. It’s much easier to evaluate and verify ‘impossible’ than ‘really costly and awful’.
And if something is easy for you, it can be really hard to imagine what it being costly would be like. I bet most people who can drive have an easier time imagining “you can’t drive”, which they can imagine like “you don’t have access to a car”, than “you can drive, but drives of more than ten minutes will usually (but not always) give you a headache and a buzzing sensation that lasts on-and-off for the next few hours, and drives of more than half an hour are so exhausting you had better be able to nap for hours when you reach your destination, and turning the radio on keeps you awake but makes you spatial awareness worse”.
This is terrible because far more disability things manifest as “the cost of doing that is much higher” than as “doing that is impossible”.
Tag: important
the idea that we shouldn’t “make excuses” for our behavior or mistakes is so unhelpful, like it precludes any insight, self-compassion, or positive change. if you messed up, please examine what events, thoughts, and feelings caused you to do it. explore and explain it. some kind of blind determination never to do it again because there are “no excuses” is only gonna make things worse. take responsibility for your actions by getting wiser and kinder about them, not by pretending you act in a vacuum and your willpower is in total control
typically the people who tell you not to make excuses are authority figures of some kind in a power structure that would be implicated if you actually did explore all the factors contributing to your behavior
Getting older and then looking at all these teenagers who have to save the world…..why did I ever think that was acceptable……..they’re so young….let Katniss sleep…….let Harry Potter have a normal school year……..Aang is literally 12, I’m twice his age and incapable of 1 percent of his plot duties, these poor children, these poor acne encrusted puberty enduring babies
#honestly!!!#its really disconcerting like… being an adult now and seeing other adults not uh#question this or be uncomfortable with children in these situations#like even fictional ones?#i understand being a kid and not seeing it#but being an adult and looking at a piece of media about like#war or some shit#and being like ‘yeah putting kids in the middle of it is a great idea and message’#nnno??? (via @blazednarancia)
ok but did you forget what being a kid and reading/watching these stories was like? because actual real children do not live lives devoid of violence or responsibility or darkness.
kids have abusive families like Harry and live in poverty like Ron, they live in poverty as part of specific systems designed to keep them keep them there like Katniss, they live in situations that ask way too much of them like Aang and Harry and all of them.
My little sister’s graduating class had a lot of dead parents. There were all kinds of reasons, drug overdose and sudden illness and motorcycle accident and long battle with illness and ’….ehhh probably heart disease? they didn’t do a real autopsy…’. For the long battle with an illness category, Sarah’s mother got cancer not long after giving birth to her much younger sister. Not only did Sarah have to watch her mother slowly lose that battle over the last years of Sarah’s childhood but she had to basically raise that baby because her father was busy trying work and care for their mother. Sarah didn’t have to save the world but you don’t think it didn’t feel like it some times?
It’s like JKR has said, kids don’t hear these stories and suddenly realize monsters are real. They already know. These stories tell you monsters can be defeated. That you can survive. That it might get worse some times but you can win. And yeah it would be nice if in the real world kids never had to do it themselves but that’s just not true.
Harry Potter didn’t make me feel like it was fair or reasonable for teens to save the world, it made me feel less alone in my struggles. Reading about kids fighting the world made me feel like I could make it through too. One of the reasons these stories are so popular is that they give you hope, they give you characters to fight along side during the dark and hard moments in your own life–whether that’s imagining your math test as a Hungarian Horntail you have to get past, or struggling to leave your own abusive family like Harry having to go back to the Dursleys every year, or watching violence and drugs take your friends like the Battle of Hogwarts killed so many.
These stories don’t normalize kids saving the world, they tell kids who already have to that they can survive it.
Y’all know that individual health behaviors – choices around nutrition, exercise, smoking, etc. – only account for about 25% of a person’s health status? The determinants of health are largely social: income and education level, the safety of one’s physical environment (e.g. working conditions, clean water), and degree of social support. Trauma is far worse for health than fast food.
It’s tempting to subscribe to a just world theory, where good things happen to good people (or people who make good decisions), and problems befall problem people, but that just isn’t the world we live in.
Most sick people have spent their lives fighting against oppressive circumstances. They don’t invite illness and hardship with their bad decisions, they are miracles of survival in a sociopolitical environment that’s hostile to their very existence.
(oh look it’s my grad program in a nutshell!)
Yes, this!
People talk a lot about health behaviors – what you choose to eat, whether you exercise, whether you drink/smoke – because they’re believed to be modifiable risk factors that you can change in order to improve your health. You can control how much you exercise, but you can’t control your genes, so let’s talk about exercise! That kind of thing.
But there is a LOT that goes into whether or not a person CAN modify those seemingly-modifiable risk factors. If a person is working two jobs for 18 hours a day and lives in a neighborhood with no sidewalks or streetlights and high crime rates, then as much as they may WANT to exercise to improve their health, they do not have the ABILITY to do so. They know they need to. They know it’s important. But it is literally impossible.
Similarly, if someone lives in an area with no nearby supermarkets, where fresh food is expensive, when they don’t have time (or supplies, or a kitchen) to cook it, then as much as they may WANT to eat healthy homemade meals, they do not have the ABILITY to do so.
In America, we’re all about individualism. We like to think we have All The Choices, and that we can choose to be happy/sad, rich/poor, good/bad, and it’s that easy. But it’s not. Because the ethos of individualism ignores the fact that we live in a society, that we live in a specific context, and that that society and context has far more of an impact on us than it wants to admit.
Example: As individuals, we can all choose to take shorter showers and save a few gallons of water. But commercial organizations, factories, etc waste thousands upon thousands of gallons of water every day. Individuals making the choice every day to save water will have very little impact on the water supply. Regulations forcing companies to save water? GIANT impact.
How this works when it comes to health: We can talk and talk and talk about individuals choosing to change their modifiable risk factors (nutrition, exercise, smoking) until we’re blue in the face, and it’s going to have very little impact on health. There just aren’t a lot of gallons there. People are already doing the best they can within the context of our society.
But if we change that context? Anything goes. ANYTHING GOES.
If we change regulations: Require municipalities to clean up their drinking water. Install sidewalks and streetlights. Ban toxic substances from agricultural, commercial, individual, and all other use. Increase the minimum wage so that people only have to work one full-time job to survive. Subsidize grocery stores in food deserts. Subsidize fresh food in food deserts.
Or if we change access: Provide health insurance for everyone. Improve the quality of health care provided. Provide preventative care.
Or if we change society: Improve our education system. Increase equity. Eliminate discrimination.
….then health will automatically improve. It will automatically improve, on a population level. And individuals? Will automatically engage in those modifiable health behaviors that improve their health status. Because there will be nothing – access, ability, time, and 100 other things – to stand in their way.
I really appreciate this addition. I’m a little concerned based on reblogs that people are not getting the message of the OP which is that while individual health behaviors affect health outcomes to some degree, they do so far less than socioeconomic status… and the exclusive focus on health behaviors in our culture is a dangerous misdirection.
Even among people who eat the same diet, exercise the same amount, and don’t smoke, the poorer will be sicker. [here’s just one source of many on this]
Diet and exercise cannot compensate for the health risks posed by oppression. The stress of having so little control over your life and your work is deadly. The issue for me is not how we might make it possible for people to eat well and exercise more, but how we can abolish the oppressive class system altogether.
There’s one big difference between the poor and the rich,” Kite says, taking a drag from his cigarette. We are in a pub, at lunch-time. John Kite is always, unless stated otherwise, smoking a fag, in a pub, at lunch-time.
“The rich aren’t evil, as so many of my brothers would tell you. I’ve known rich people – I have played on their yachts – and they are not unkind, or malign, and they do not hate the poor, as many would tell you. And they are not stupid – or at least, not any more than the poor are. Much as I find amusing the idea of a ruling class of honking toffs, unable to put their socks on without Nanny helping them, it is not true. They build banks, and broker deals, and formulate policy, all with perfect competency.
No – the big difference between the rich and the poor is that the rich are blithe. They believe nothing can every really be so bad. They are born with the lovely, velvety coating of blitheness – like lanugo, on a baby – and it is never rubbed off by a bill that can’t be paid; a child that can’t be educated; a home that must be left for a hostel, when the rent becomes too much.
Their lives are the same for generations. There is no social upheaval that will really affect them. If you’re comfortably middle-class, what’s the worst a government policy could do? Ever? Tax you at 90% and leave your bins, unemptied, on the pavement. But you and everyone you know will continue to drink wine – but maybe cheaper – go on holiday – but somewhere nearer – and pay off your mortgage – although maybe later.
Consider, now, then, the poor. What’s the worst a government policy can do to them? It can cancel their operation, with no recourse to private care. It can run down their school – with no escape route to a prep. It can have you out of your house and in a B&B by the end of the year. When the middle classes get passionate about politics, they’re arguing about their treats – their tax-breaks and their investments. When the poor get passionate about politics, they’re fighting for their lives.
Politics will always mean more to the poor. Always. That’s why we strike and march, and despair when our young say they won’t vote. That’s why the poor are seen as more vital, and animalistic. No classical music for us – no walking around National Trust properties, or buying reclaimed flooring. We don’t have nostalgia. We don’t do yesterday. We can’t bare it. We don’t want to be reminded of our past, because it was awful: dying in mines, and slums, without literacy, or the vote. Without dignity. It was all so desperate, then. That’s why the present and the future is for the poor – that’s the place in time for us: surviving now, hoping for better, later. We live now – for our instant, hot, fast treats, to pep us up: sugar, a cigarette, a new fast song on the radio.
You must never, never forget, when you talk to someone poor, that it takes ten times the effort to get anywhere from a bad post-code. It’s a miracle when someone from a bad post-code gets anywhere, son. A miracle they do anything at all.
A rant about the divide between the rich and the poor from “How To Build a Girl” by Caitlin Moran (via itsalljustvapourtrails)
“When the rich get passionate about politics, they’re arguing about treats. When the poor get passionate about politics, they are fighting for the lives.”
Boom
(via seneddism)
basically:
- it is not a virtue to not set boundaries
- ignoring your own wants and needs is not a healthy way to show love
- people worth loving will respect your boundaries
- people worth loving will not want you to set aside your own wants and needs to make them more comfortable
- ‘having no boundaries at all’ describes a person who is very hurt, not a person who is very virtuous
- suffering for others’ comfort is not how you be a good person, it is just how you become very hurt
- sometimes you need to make others uncomfortable in order to get your needs met
- your needs are more important than others’ comfort
- your comfort is equally important to others’ comfort
- making other people uncomfortable is not, in itself, ethically wrong or morally dubious
can i add a thing:
what really helped me with boundaries is to realise that not having/showing them didn’t just hurt me, but also hurts my friends. and that interacting with someone that doesn’t state their boundaries is not at all ‘comfortable’ or ‘easy’. that’s a perspective that was so alien to me, i never realised other people might genuinely want to know about boundaries, and be genuinely distressed about overstepping them. but when i did, it really changed how i approached this!
‘my needs are more important than others’ comfort’ is absolutely true, but can be hard to embrace. but what about: ‘if i don’t state my needs, that makes interacting with me more difficult and hurtful’?
we don’t usually want people we care about to hurt for our sake. if we find out that they did, we’ll feel really bad and guilty, like we should have been able to prevent it by being more attentive. guilt ping-pong can happen. everybody gets to feel toxic. that’s not good!also, if i don’t state needs and wishes, i leave the onus of steering everything to the other. if they care about my needs and wishes, it is now their job to gently pave the way for me, to make me feel safe enough to express them, or, worst, to somehow guess them, and none of this is making it especially easy for them, on the contrary!
it can be very hard and it’s okay that it’s hard. (like you’re not being “unfair” by being bad at stating boundaries forex.). but, basically, establishing boundaries and needs isn’t just good for me, but it’s good for both, and
in healthy relationships
will often make both equally more comfortable. sometimes it’s not ‘my needs vs. your discomfort’, sometimes it’s a win-win.
I get so mad about people who insist that doctors went to med school so they can never be wrong about your health like ???? Some Doctors hate fat people??? Some doctors hate the mentally ill or give Helpful NT Advice instead of treatment??? My ob/gyn took four years and a strong arm from my mom to figure out I had pcos???
Doctors are not gods??????
I am a med student, literally currently going to medical school, and doctors are about 15% wonderful people who Care So Much It Hurts, about 60% Eh I Was Optimistic But Ill-Informed When I Chose This Life, and a solid 25% What The Fuck Is Wrong With You You Fucking Fucks Get The Fuck Out Of Medicine Oh Wait You’re Just Going To Retire After Decades Of Being A Bigoted Fuck-Up.
Doctors need to be held accountable. Right now, doctors are virtually never held accountable.
There are doctors who tell lesbians not to worry about STDs because they “can’t get any.” There are doctors who tell fat people to lose weight when what’s wrong is actually a) completely unrelated to weight and b) fatal. A doctor once refused to give me an IUD because I should “marry a nice young virgin man” instead of being a big ol’ queer slutbag. In my summer job reviewing medical records, I’ve seen three patients who were sent home with a disease that almost immediately killed them because the doctors (three different ones!) didn’t take CHEST PAIN seriously. One of my classmates, a future doctor, told me I was overreacting to the murder of Michael Brown and when I said the hell I am he said I must not UNDERSTAND THE ISSUES. Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot my master’s degree in social psychology is just there to decorate my shelf! My tiny lady-brain can’t possibly comprehend anything important! I once heard a doctor brag about having forcibly sterilized a Latina woman who didn’t consent because she was an undocumented immigrant and “she had too many already.” He was receiving a LOT of federal research funding for his work with our research group. I’ve WATCHED doctors be horrible, bigoted fuck-ups.
Like, if these are things someone like me, who passionately believes in medicine to the point where I’ve willingly sacrificed a reasonably comfortable job, my free time for at least seven years of training, and my right to decide where I spend at least three years of my life (because we are obligated to go wherever we’re matched for residency), is seeing at one of the top academic medical centers IN THE WORLD, what the FUCK do you think is happening in the REST of the country, where they HAVEN’T attracted “top talent”?
Doctors are not better than other people. We just have less transparency and less accountability. That needs to change.
Not to mention the rather abundant percentage of people who solely go into the medical field because it makes money. I mean really, how many times have your parents suggested you go to college to be a dentist, a doctor, a nurse, or some technical field that for some reason is tied to the medical field and requires you to work in a hospital or a clinic?
don’t forget how a lot of doctors believe they went to med school to earn authority and social prestige
Emotional Consent
I’ve always been hesitant to post about this because I’m worried people will take it as a personal offense and I just want to say in advance this isn’t “@ anyone” or a callout even
I just feel like emotional consent as a concept is rarely talked about and therefore it’s often breached unknowingly (hence why I don’t never get mad at anyone specific for breaching it), and also I think it’s important I make this post. I didn’t learn what it was till I was older, and most people don’t.
Essentially “emotional consent” is a mutual understanding and willing agreement between both parties when discussing directly emotional or potentially emotionally loaded questions.
I’m going to start with examples, and I know it might feel bad at first if you recognize you do some of them (it’s okay, we all do from time to time), but please keep reading because I promise I’ll get onto alternative dialogues and solution
Here are some examples of what a breach of emotional consent can look like- not all the ways of course, but the major ones off the top of my head:
- Venting to someone without warning or established boundaries this can look like starting a conversation by venting, or detailing graphic information seemingly out of nowhere and without effective trigger warnings. This can put people in situations where they feel like they have to respond, even if they’re not emotionally equipped, if they’re busy, or if they don’t have the spoons. Of course, usually this wasn’t the intent of the venter, but still has the same effect. FYI- this includes celebrities, social media icons, and people you admire.
- Talking graphically about sex, masturbation, or anything in that range without warning or established boundaries this can look like anything from sharing a funny sexual escapade with your friends, and dirty jokes, to sexual harassment and telling someone hows bad you want to fuck them despite not knowing how they feel about it. Sometimes in these scenarios, people can appear visibly comfortable in attempt to fit in and not seem prudish, or to avoid awkward confrontation. This can also be especially sensitive because this is a topic that can very easily and unexpectedly bring up traumas and insecurities along with the discomfort, and it can perpetuate rape culture.
- Using pet-names and romantic implications, even platonically, without established consent this one was tough for me to swallow at first because I love pet names and I love using them platonically to show love. But even more, I want the people I love to feel comfortable and safe around me. Some people have deeper more negatively charged, or more intensely charged feelings around pet names than I do, and I wouldn’t want to subject them to that. Some people are also comfortable with certain pet names and not others. Also things like calling platonic meetups dates, cuddling, and platonically holding hands mean different things to different people, which is important to respect.
- Showing people media or sending articles or news with heavy emotional content either without warning, or with the expectation of discussion part of this is about including trigger warnings, and making sure viewing triggering content is optional in spaces and interactions we have control over. Another part though, is the fact that we often expect people to have interactions and discussions with us about emotionally charged topics, including politics, crime, oppression, natural disasters, etc. without fully understanding how this can affect the other person.
- Telling someone they’re the only person you feel comfortable telling something to, or be open with this one sucks because it usually (except in cases of abuse) comes out of genuine care and wanting to make the other person feel special. That being said, no matter how you phrase it, it can put a massive responsibility on the person that similar to my first example, can make them feel obligated to help even when they’re not in an appropriate place to.
- Expecting people to share personal or intimate information a lot of times we ask emotionally loaded questions because we care about and are interested in the lives of our loved ones. That being said, if we’re not careful people can really feel obligated to share information they’re not prepared to, or don’t want to process at the moment. This can look like “How’s your health been?” “How are you handling [life event]?” and “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
so now the more pleasant part! What can it look like to prioritize emotional consent instead- these correspond in order of initial bullets
- Starting vague and asking if it’s okay an example dialogue could be “I’m feeling crappy about [blank] are you up to listen to me talk about it?” I also love to add “or should I try [alternative coping method/talking to someone else right now?]” to the end of that if I have one so the other person knows if they say no I have something to turn to. Another example could be “Would it be alright for me to vent right now? FYI it may include mentions of [possible triggers] so if you’re not up for it right now I understand?” or simply “Are you comfortable with me talking about [blank?]”. Also talking to a celebrity or idol “You really helped me with [blank]. I don’t know if you’re comfortable with detail so I won’t elaborate, but I really appreciate it.” or “You really helped me with [blank.] [An explanation about what specifically helped or inspired you in more detail rather than graphic description of the event.]”
- Again! You can just ask example dialogue can include “Can I mention something about my sex life?” “I have a joke but it’s dirty so I want to make sure thats okay with you” “Can I say something nsfw?” “Is everyone here okay with sex mentions?”
- Asking still works! Example dialogue can be “Thanks [petname] (are you okay with me using that or would you rather I don’t)” “Are you okay being called [petname]?” “Are you comfortable with [intimate platonic act]?” “Do you want to [intimate platonic act]?” “I’d like to [intimate platonic act] if you’d be okay with that”
- Ask/Warn ahead of time or clarify you don’t need response example dialogue “I want to process [news event] but I know it’s heavy so I wanted to ask first” “Jsyk this article contains [possible triggers] so don’t read it if you think it’d be harmful to you]” “Can I ask your opinion on [charged topic]. If you’d rather not, I understand” “[thought or link to article] FYI no need to respond. I just wanted to share.]”
- Show you’re appreciation in other ways using phrases that show appreciation but don’t implicate responsibility like “Thanks for being here for me whenever you’re able to” “I really appreciate being able to talk about this with you” “It means a lot to me that I can feel so comfortable and open with you” “Being able to talk about this with you has been really helpful for me and I’m really glad I was ables to.”
- Asking with an easy out or optional response examples include “Hey, I know you’re dealing with as lot and grieving right now so I absolutely don’t need a response, but I wanted to remind you if you need support in any way I’m available and have time right now.” “Do you want to talk about [emotionally charged life event] or would you rather talk about something else right now?” “I know it’s hard to talk about these things and I understand if you can’t, but I want to remind you that when you can and want to I’m available and won’t judge you.” “Would venting be helpful or draining right now?” “What’s the best way I can support you, or are you not sure right now?”
Sorry this became a long ass post but I thought it was important. I should also add that the exception of course is therapists and counselors, crisis hotlines, or other people trained and already prepared to cope with these things. but besides that- try and emo responsibly.
doesn’t mod s call herself a feminist? she can’t be muslim and a feminist, islam is a male dominated religion, women have to be constantly oppressed. it’s disgusting how muslim women are treated
Well, first of all, I’m use they/them, but thanks so much for misgendering me!
You wanna talk about how Muslim women and and woman-aligned people are treated? Fine, we can talk about that.
We can talk about how the Quran was revealed in 632 AD, saying how women are equal to men. (“And their Lord responded to them: ’…be you male or female – you are equal to one another.’” [Quran 3:195])
We can talk about how in the 16th century, western men were still debating if women had souls.
We can talk about how in 632, the 1st century, Muslim women had the rights to choose who to marry, to divorce, to work, to educate and be educated, to have their won inheritance, to their own land and property, to have their own businesses, to participate in combat, to half their husband’s wealth, to have their own opinions, to have custody of their children, and on and on and on.
We can talk about Muslim women’s right to have a voice in government. Tell me, when did the USA give (white) women “equal participation in the political process,” or voting? 1920. Muslim women have had that since 632.
We can talk about how Pakistan, Bangladesh, Indonesia, Turkey, Kosovo, Kyrgyzstan, and Senegal have all had female Presidents or Prime Ministers. How 1/3rd of Egypt’s parliament is female. How in the lovely USA, we haven’t even had a women vice-president yet.
We can talk about the hijab, niqab, abaya, and burqa, how they’re mainly worn to protect women from leering men, and to allow women to interact freely in public without people being able to judge their bodies or looks and only having their minds and personalities to make judgements off of.
We can talk a out how the Western world has twisted our clothing into “women have to cover up because they’re indecent!” and women and feminine-presenting people get attacked and have their coverings yanked off, either because of Islamophobic hatred or misguided attempts at saving us.
We can talk about how I’ve had my hijab ripped off twice, both times by white men, once outside my community’s masjid (the Muslim place of worship.) And oddly enough, my clothing didn’t stop me from breaking one of those men’s noses when he went after my sister. Just like it’s never stopped me from going to school, or playing sports, or doing anything a white woman or woman aligned person could do.
We can talk about how outside of the masjid, where men and women are required to cover their heads, I’ve never once been made to wear a hijab.
We can talk about how the only people who have lectured me about dressing modestly were non-Muslim teachers and other educators.
We can talk about how people want to preach about how Muslims think women are indecent, when western schools freak out when a girl shows her shoulders.
We can talk about my cousin who once made a joke about women belonging in the kitchen and how out of thirty people in the room, the only person who laughed was his white friend. How his father immediately corrected him.
We can talk about how the first university ever, the University of al-Qarawiyyin, was founded in 858 by Fatima al-Fihri, a Muslim woman. How despite that, the summer I was thirteen and taking extra courses at the community college, an instructor praised me for joining even though “I know Muslim parents don’t let girls have higher education.” I had to look her in the eyes and ask who she thought was paying for my classes.
We can talk about the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.a.w.) who denounced all forms of enslavement of women, and assisted women in issuing their rights to exist freely.
We can talk about people who rush to condemn Muslim men for hurting the “defenseless” girls, then turning around and making jokes about raping and hitting women.
We can talk about the “saviors of Muslim women,” talking about how they’re so oppressed, they don’t get to make their own choices.
We can talk about how these people completely ignore anyone who says they’re wrong and call them brainwashed. Because of course millions of women have been coerced into believing in a tradition that views them as subservient, what other explanation is there?
We can talk about how patronizing and infantalizing this is, how it denies Muslim women and woman aligned people agency and puts our “saviors” on a pedestal. “We need to be their heroes! Because obviously they can’t fix their problems without the aid of white people!”
We can talk about how it’s true that Muslim women suffer from misogyny. How there are Muslim men who think of women as lesser, how some Muslim women are forced to cover themselves and marry. Because guess what? There is no culture that is exempt from misogyny and sexism, gender discrimination is a problem everywhere. But you cannot call an entire culture and religion inherently misogynistic, that is in no way true.
We can talk about how somehow there’s this incredibly untrue idea that Western cultures have “progressed forward, and sexism doesn’t exist here, only in other countries and cultures.”
We can talk about how if people want to help Muslim women, all that is needed is for them to listen to us and follow our lead.
We can talk about how Muslim women and woman aligned people do not need white people to save them. We have always been capable of helping ourselves.
There are a lot of conversations to be had about the treatment of Muslim women, if it’s something you want to discuss.
But the thing is? People who talk about how oppressed Muslim women are generally don’t.
You want a deflection from your misogyny, “You think I’m bad! You should see how Muslim girls are treated.” You want an excuse for your Islamophobia, “We need to criticize Islam, they treat women awfully!” You want justification for western imperialism, “These wars are necessary! We need to save the poor girls!”
You don’t care about Muslim women and women aligned people.
Stop pretending like you do.
– Mod S
37q:
the identity politics prevalent in neurodivergence discourse – and even any social interaction with neurodivergence – is like, pretty clearly a perpetuation of hegemonic structures of normality. we still cling to the right to prioritize and privilege certain thoughts & behaviors as Good And Correct, but we can make an exception for neurodivergence as long as we realize that its neurodivergence, describe it as neurodivergence, and identify the specific neurodivergence.
show me where your compassion for neurodivergent people is when theres no discernible difference between a stereotypical teenager’s unproductive laziness & emotionlessness and depression. show me where your compassion for neurodivergent people is when someones having a meltdown and you scold them for being a brat but their sensory issues arent taken seriously by you or anyone around them, or theyre only taken seriously when they seek professional diagnosis. show me where your compassion for neurodivergent people is when you only empathize or seek to understand someones explosion of anger when its explanations has capital letters or falls “within reason”.
what im trying to say is that if we deem some forms of neurodivergence excusable and others inexcusable, or some deserving of compassion and others not deserving of compassion, its blatantly obvious that its being used to maintain the discursive boundaries that capitalism uses to preserve a well-disciplined class of subjects. the ways that we rely on discourse in its systems of formalized signification do nothing but preserve the unlivable & alienating conditions our society is formed under. if we cant extend compassion towards thoughts and behaviors that would essentially qualify as neurodivergence but arent identified as such, then our compassion towards neurodivergence is nothing but exception-making, an inauthentic and insincere kind of compassion.
queerhomestuck 