today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”
this post had me in tears
I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they’re not, so I’ll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs:
I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between “I have to pay a fine” and “I have to pay a fee” and I walked in and firmly stated “I have to pee” and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven’t been back,
My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn
Recently someone in class asked me how I was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I’m okay in the middle and ended up saying “I’m gay.”
Which, while kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate.
This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))
I was switching between “Bye Deanna” and “Goodbye” and I ended up saying “Go Die”
Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.
When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”
something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”
one time i was out in the woods in the spring when the birds were just beginning to come out again and i went to say “i’m so pumped for the birds” and “i’m so hyped for the birds” and instead i said “i’m so humped for birds”
Once I was walking to school and there was a guy walking his dog and the dog came to me and started sniffing me and I was in such a good mood and when I passed by his owner I wanted to say like “hello” or “good morning” or “cute dog” or something like that and I ended up looking up at him, smiling real big, and saying “thank you”.
I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”
I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”
I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T
There’s so many new stories on this since the last time I saw it and fuck I am laughing so hard I think I’m annoying my roommate
These are too damn good to pass up reading!
I once wanted to give someone thumbs up, but instead I flipped them off….
so one time a buddy and I are having some kind of joke argument, and eventually I slam both my hands down on the table and tried to shout “DO YOU WANT TO FUCKIN’ GO!?” but instead I ended up hesitating and just screamed “DO YOU WANT TO FUCK?!” in front of nearly my entire class in the caf. They still make fun of me so much they made a fuckin’ yugioh card complete with one of the most unflattering snapchat pics of me ever taken:
2. an issue that is not one’s own responsibility to resolve
pl. prumngles
adj. prumnglish
“Despite her best efforts, she was always neck deep in a new prumngle.” “Their relationship was defined by prumnglish arguments.” “The discussion had devolved into foisting prumngles upon each other.”
also a thing I noticed today and something I really like
notice how Smokey Quartz moves and fights with that third arm
they don’t just move and flip around, but they use that arm to control the doomyo, pulling on the cord and forcing it into new trajectories that would be completely impossible for someone with only two arms.
A fusion’s additional limbs and eyes aren’t just for looks. They serve a purpose. Maybe they’re deliberate, or perhaps the fusion adapts fighting styles to fit their new awesome body, but those modifications are always taken full advantage of.
Garnet? THREE EYES, BUDDY, three eyes to scope out the world and seriously ridiculous precision even without future vision
Rainbow Quartz? Those multiple eyes function independantly, they’d be perfect for scoping out a battlefield and looking at everything going on at once.
Opal? She needs those arms to pull that impossibly massive bow, far further than a classic human-biped could.
Sugilite? Four arms, indepandantly rotatintg for incredibly powerful punches and controlling that giant flail.
Alexandrite? WHERE DO I EVEN START, a giant flip-face and maw for biting and breathing fire, arms shaped and positioned to use all possible weapons with no limits or weaknesses
Sardonyx? Articulating body affords incredible flexibility and rotating for additional hammer power.
Malachite? PURE JUGGERNAUT that cannot be pinned down however she is held, just powering on and flying and swimming, every limb is a fist to hit you, multiple eyes for excellent visual acuity
basically i just love these reminders that a fusion’s non human traits aren’t a sign of relationship flaws or anything like that, they are useful traits and attributes the Gems love
There has recently been an influx in Dave crackships. Davefef.
DavePM. DaveDaveSerenity. DaveDaveGamzeeDave.
Daves upon Daves upon Daves. You go through the entire archive. The character
tags repeatedly list Dave and only Dave. You reread the actual comic. The first page begins
with “A coolkid stands in his room.” You hate time travel.
You read a fic instead of sleeping. Your mind grows weary,
and the shadows in your room seem to grow. The words melt down the screen,
bubbling and churning as something underneath stirs. A presence looms over you
and grasps at your mind. You blink, and find yourself in the middle of a
Squiddles intermission chapter. You stop reading.
You don’t get why there are so many JohnDave fics. The filter says there are more than 4000 results. Why is it so popular? You refresh the page, hoping for a new fic containing your rarepair. There are 5000 result for JohnDave now. You refresh the page. 7000. 10000. 15000. Please. You just want one. One rarepair fic. You refresh the page.
One writer has decided to give the Trolls literal snakes in place of their tentabulges, in a horrific combination of troll and cherub reproductive biology. Other fics soon follow suit. Nobody finds anything wrong with this.
Scourge Sisters and Equius. Arasol and Equius. Dirkjake and Equius. He looks on in silent judgment as pairings kiss and cuddle and
fuck. Why is he there. Where is he coming from. Nobody seems able to answer
your questions.
Someone asks you about the dead lesbians trope. You don’t understand.
What dead lesbians? Rosemary is the strongest pairing you have ever shipped. They
crush all their enemies with ease and have gratuitous makeouts afterwards. “Please
help,” the authors beg. “They’ve become too powerful. We can’t control them.” You
fail to see what the problem is.
You hear a noise outside your room at 3 in the
morning. You open the door. Andrew Hussie is sobbing on the hallway floor,
surrounded by miniature figurines of horses. You close the door.
queerhomestuck 