I want Dirk to work at a cheesy Texas-themed restaurant with a gift shop that sells belt buckles emblazoned with the texas flag and shot glasses with cheesy quotes on them and I want him to hate his job so much as he’s forced to wear a cowboy hat and normal shades because his boss won’t let him wear his normal ones
John and all his friends come in and Dirk seriously considers quitting right then and there.
Jade orders the big challenge plate, where you have to eat a 72 oz steak in an hour and she’s done in 25 minutes and gets her picture taken. Dave buys a shirt that says “I’m ready to kick some Tex-ASS” and refuses to take it off meanwhile John has somehow climbed on top of the two-story giant cow outside of the restaurant and Rose is taking pictures of him from the ground.
GG: hey dave im irradiating some steaks for bec GG: im gonna take a quick nap wake me up in 5 minutes so i can flip them over TG: jade its been five minutes flip your steaks GG: snnnnzzzzz TG:
Concept: an immortal who doesn’t shy away from photos or paintings. Draws self portraits on cave walls. Photobombs everything with a pout and a suave pose. Commissions numerous portraits of themself as a literary Romantic before faking their death. Tries to be at least slightly famous every time they have a new identity. Creates a conspiracy blog linking all their past photos together before mysteriously disappearing in mysterious circumstances. Mysteriously. Usually only disappears for 10 to 20 years after “"dying”“ before making another appearance. Everyone else in the immortal community lowkey hates them. “Ah, fuck. You’ll never guess who’s resurfaced again.” “Fucking… Dave?” “Fucking Dave.”
Alpha Dave & Rose’s character motivations were basically just *smokes joint and stares at batshit story on laptop* fuck capitalism
[At three in the morning.]
“Hey. You know what would be a great think piece?”
“We overthrow the government and assassinate its true, fishy dictator in protest of oppressive ideals intent on draining both the life and funds of the common populace?“
“I was going to say we spraypaint ‘SHITTY’ on the whitehouse lawn but fuck, Lalonde, that’s way better.”
queerhomestuck 