Tag: 8D

omg i just thought of the stupidest, funniest shit

polyglotplatypus:

so after act 7 things settle a bit & logically john starts to date roxy but he feels really weird about it and has to tell dave because technically hes kinda dating his mom so he goes to dave really anxious and confesses that hes been with roxy and at his surprise dave takes it really well and goes in for a congratulatory hug and

come to me and tell me dave wouldnt be that petty. come. i dare you

did you know how hilarious the patch notes to the sims are

flatluigi:

  • A faint line is no longer visible on the heads of babies.
  • Fish are no longer duplicated in the fridge when moving homes.
  • Sims can no longer “Try for Baby” with the Grim Reaper.
  • Sims who are on fire will no longer be forced to attend graduation before they can put themselves out.
  • Children and Teens can no longer die from motive failure while on a Time Out.
  • Pianists will no longer continue playing pianos that have been detonated.
  • Sims will no longer receive a wish to “Skinny Dip” with Mummies.
  • Pregnant Sims can no longer “Brawl.”
  • Sims can no longer WooHoo in the Elevator with a Sim who is on a different floor.
  • Fixed an issue that caused Sims to leave their Toddler inside a bar at closing time.
  • The Grim Reaper will no longer be prevented from reaping souls due to band affiliation.
  • Kleptomaniac Sims can no longer steal Subway stations from lots.
  • Fixed a tuning issue so that Sims now vomit at acceptable levels.
  • The magical laundry bear Abracadabra will no longer block Sims from moving after disappearing
  • Tourist NPCs can now be impregnated.

greek gods as @dril quotes

zeus: how come a baby born with a foot in its brain is considered a “Miracle Baby” but when I get my dick stuck in a drawer im just some asshole
poseidon: my body is 70% water mother fucker. guns cannot harm me
hades: I will tell you this right now: I’m from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally
hera: “horny” has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined
athena: and to the guy who said i have shit for brains: youre right. i do have… four brains……….
artemis: Blocked. Blocked. Blocked. You are all blocked. None of you are free of sin
apollo: i just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in
hephaestus: back in the dog house after the wife caught me photo shopping her into vintage car ads
persephone: “i wish they got, WiFi down here” – guy who died in the paris catacombs
dionysus: “sir, can i ask why you’re smoking TWO huge blunts?”
“officer, I’m…”
*turns to camera*
“double jointed”
*cop starts breakdancing*
ares: the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. “war is the most fucked up thing ever.” he takes a sip of beer
hermes: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying
aphrodite: looks like im forced to address false rumors that i own 3 dildos on a shelf labelled “breakfast” “lunch” & “dinner”. this is an absurdity .